Thursday, October 30, 2014

Stair Surfing the Night Away

Life in the Flat Lane
We know how it is, the surf is flat, there is nothing showing on the swell charts, so you decide to hold a "small" get together at your house. So here you are hosting a party, and your guests are starting to look a little bored. You need to do something quick to entertain them, but don't have anything planned.

I highly suggest plowing one of your good friends with a few cold ones, maybe a shot or two to loosen the young daredevil, feed them lies about how big of a viral internet superstar they are going to be, and set him loose on your staircase.

The Viking Helmet is Key to a Successful Stair Surf
Steps to Success
Break off the fins of an old surfboard, spread a fresh layer of wax on your stair stick, stand on top of your surfboard at the top of the stairs, taunt the audience for a few cheers, get them fired up, and then simply lean forward and hold on tight until the crash landing. As you can see from the above photo, a good costume is key for adding suspense and thrill for your lubricated audience.

Please send us any attempts at stair surfing, we will happily post them there.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

A Zombie Shark is Terrorizing Southern California

San Clemente, California - A zombie shark is on the loose in the waters off of Southern California, terrorizing beach goers, and surfers alike. Please stay out of the water until the Coast Guard can capture this deadly fish, or quite possibly group of deadly fish.

Zombie Shark spotted off the coast of California
 How did this Happen?
Although the San Onofre Nuclear power plant was decommissioned last summer, and put out of use, it appears the so called "steam leak", had leaked more than just hot air into California's ocean waters. While denying any responsibility, Edison International has confirmed that a large quantity of radio active waste did get exposed to the local fish and sea life. This exposure to unknown nuclear chemicals has created a new breed of toxic fish to come to life. Once ingested by larger prey, the results have been disastrous.

Surfer Zombie seen in Dana Point, California

Zombie Sharks
Deadly sharks infected with this new virus are preying on anything in the ocean, including local surfers who frequent the tasty waves of the world famous Trestles surf break. Once bitten by these hybrid zombie sharks, you may feel bouts of dizzying nausea while the zombie micro-organisms invade your body. Once the illness has taken control throughout your blood stream, your heart and other major organs will cease to work in a humanly fashion. Surfers will go into a catatonic zombie like state, and you will desperately crave fish tacos, and fresh blood to replenish your diminished vital fluids supply.

Here Lies Dean Miller, His Last Wave was a Killer
What to Do
Please do not feed or approach any of these deadly sharks, or walking zombie surfers, one bite from their infected saliva will contaminate your bloodstream. If you see or encounter any of these swimming dead sea creatures, please contact your local authorities for further instruction.

Happy Halloween!